Boundaries – Resources (temp)

Quick Refresh

A common challenge we all face is being able to successfully navigate the demands of work and life.
For many people, this has become more challenging with post-covid work norms
Proactive and protective boundaries are an essential step in successful work-life integration.
There are several strategies that can help with boundary management including
- getting clear on our values, demands, and priorities,
- understanding the beliefs and fears that hold us back from setting boundaries
- learning how to assertively set and communicate boundaries.
 This page houses several resources that can help clients set healthy boundaries and successfully navigate the intersection between work and life.

Resources included on this page are:

Work-life boundary management article for people returning from parental leave.
Journal article that covers some of the core concepts discussed below (Kriener, 2009).
A practical worksheet to help clients identify their values, take stock of their demands and use their values to create authentic boundaries. Tailored towards the parental-leave transition.
The Third Space website and YouTube video
Resource for how to say no

Introduction to Topic

Work/life integration, rather than work life conflict, is a new mindset. In helping to transition from interference to integration it is useful to start thinking about ways that we can better integrate the many roles we play.

We need to start by dispelling the common myths about the attainment of an “ideal work-life balance’; offering the alternative concept of “work-life boundaries”. Recent research demonstrates the importance of equipping individuals with the skills to manage work-life boundaries. We need to get out of ‘automatic pilot’, rethink the intersection between work and life and use some practical work-life management tips. Fortunately, coaches can help clients immensely when it comes to navigating this intersection.

Work-life boundaries are about having a clear sense of how we view and understand the

different parts of our lives and the ability to set clear limits on how we want to integrate them. In helping to unpack boundaries in a more practical way it is helpful for people to understand the following three points: 

As individuals we vary in our preferences for integrating or segmenting work and home. Most people are not one or the other, rather where we sit on the continuum from a defined ‘mental fence’ to blending facets of each depends on our circumstances.
Our environments (family members, managers, co-workers, clients, occupations) also vary in their preference for integration or segmentation. If there is a mismatch between our preference and our environment, work-life boundary incongruence may occur resulting in work-life conflict.
Understanding boundaries and being able to set healthy boundaries provides a way to negotiate this incongruence to reduce conflict (interference) and increase enrichment (integration).

As the Boundary Continuum depicts, we know that the healthiest boundaries are those that are semi-permeable and what Kreiner, et al (2009) describes as ‘differential permeability’ because individuals need to discriminate about what will or will not pass through their work-home boundary as well as which direction (work to home or home to work) passage is allowed.

Just as functional membranes (letting the right things through and keeping the wrong things out) facilitate the healthy interaction of the cells of our bodies, so do functional boundaries facilitate the healthy interaction of the various parts of our lives.
Michael Gilbert

In looking at how to develop healthy work-life boundaries and finding out what is right for you, there are three fundamental steps:

Step1: Get Straight with Your Internal Chatter

When looking at developing healthy boundaries, it is critical that we get straight with any internal chatter that may be sabotaging our ability to set them. If we don’t set up a good foundation, we can have the best work-life strategies or resources at hand but they will either be:

difficult to sustain (go back to old habits); and/or

we will not access available resources (because we may not feel as if we deserve to access them).

We will also be more confident to set our boundaries (Step 3) if we believe we have the right to set them in the first place.

Step 2: Build a Light house (Core Values)

Step 3: Draw your Line in the Sand

Highlight Point – People aren’t mind readers – you have to communicate your boundaries!

Walk through the placemat content – drawing your line in the sand is essentially about the ability to be mindful of the ‘4M’s’:

MAKE THEM – Outline your preferences to stakeholders in a clear, congruent and respectful way (i.e., family, friends, manager, co-workers, clients etc). Remember that the best time to set boundaries is before they’re encroached upon.

MODIFY THEM – Make changes if required. Remember that the decision to modify or break a boundary should be your own, not someone else’s (the exception rather than the rule).

MAINTAIN THEM – Let others know or challenge self if a problem is identified. Remember to choose discomfort over resentment (either during or after).

MONITOR THEM – Watch for signs of excessive movement. Remember that there may be a tendency to go to the other extreme or revert to old habits.

9 Tips for Drawing your ‘Line in the Sand’

Ground them in reality, not concrete (they need to be flexible)
Adjust them based upon the context and what is right for you! (it’s not ‘one size fits all’)
Set clear expectations (e.g., where, when and how?)
Think about the best channel to communicate them (not the easiest or most comfortable)
Expect and prepare for ‘Push Back’
Harness stakeholder engagement and negotiate if necessary (discuss your perspective and find a mutually beneficial solution)
Watch for less obvious signs of when they may have been violated (e.g., gut reactions)
Be clear on which ones are critical (the non-negotiable)
Develop the ability to say ‘No’

“Like many worthwhile endeavours, boundary setting is a practice.” Brene Brown

Other Work-Life Boundary Tactics Kreiner et al (2009)

Behavioural (social practices) (e.g., prioritising urgent and important work, using technology to facilitate boundary work, invoking triage etc)

Temporal (controlling time and finding respite) (e.g., designate certain times exclusively for family, friends, exercise, and other non-work pursuits.

Physical (e.g., adapting physical boundaries, manipulating physical space, managing physical artifacts like photos, calendars etc)

Communicative (e.g., setting expectations and telling those who have violated a boundary etc)

Copy for Clients

As discussed in our session, setting and sustaining healthy boundaries is one of the most common challenges people face as they strive to integrate work and life. For many people, this has become even harder with the increase of working from home. Work/life conflict and unhelpful boundaries can lead to a range of problems at home and work. Fortunately, there are practical things we can do to help set and maintain healthy boundaries. Attached are some resources that provide useful information and practical tips for how to set and maintain boundaries.

Resources

Parental Role: Values-Boundaries-Demands
Boundaries Article (needs re-branding – can’t upload to temp site, file too large)
The Third Space by Adam Fraser (can’t add links as media files)
- The Third Space – the period of mental transition between work and home (and vice versa). It is useful here to expand on Adam Fraser’s work to really get people thinking about how they can prepare to be able to show up using the 3 R’s. Reflect / Rest / Reset. If you are not familiar with Fraser’s work, please refer to his website which contains some excellent articles about the Third Space as well as an excellent YouTube Clip.
How to Say No
9 tips to help draw a line in the sand

Extra Reading Materials: